Victor Alberto Bueno Marichal: One kilo of ground whale meat

One kilo of ground whale meat

I have everything I need to make burgers the way I like them, with Swiss cheese and caramelized onions and mushrooms; but the ground beef I have is frozen and it's faster to go down just twenty floors to the automatic supermarket on the thirtieth floor, plus I want to select the piece of meat, instead of buying it already ground.

I put on my anti-virus suit, turn off the waste handling unit, I'm not going to take more than fifteen minutes.

The owners' elevator opens inside the apartments to avoid having to use the public corridors, and on the 30th floor it opens five meters from the supermarket.

The usual regulars with their dominoes table next to the drinks vending machine that is outside next to the supermarket entrance reluctantly make way for me.

My personal assistant from a pocket of my shirt announces my presence, in a sphere of twenty meters around me it is possible to receive my business card, nobody accepts it, nobody sends theirs. We've all introduced ourselves before.

My assistant denies three payment requests from the drinks machine, the usual excuse is that I don't have money because I'm unemployed, the real reason is that I don't want them to get used to charging me for the right of way to the supermarket.

The bot at the front desk checks my credit rating and contamination level and lets me in.

The avatar of a blind little girl used by one of the players in the aisle chases me into the supermarket asking me to help pay for some medicine for her paralyzed granny, but my assistant ignores her request for payment because it's from the drinks vending machine.

I decide to browse the inventory, I ignore the offers and suggestions, I amuse myself for a while investigating some real tomatoes, and a cheese that I did not know.

A bot with the human interface according to my aesthetic and affective preferences manages to elude my assistant and asks me:

--Why did you PHYSICALLY came my love? I personally would have taken care of your request without the need to risk you through the dangerous corridors of this building, and in less than ten minutes we would have delivered it to you.

And then with a smile, with half-closed eyes, giving me all his attention, he waits for my answer.

I ignore her and continue researching the inventory.

--I'm going to rate your answer as if it were a survey of more than fifty questions, and for that you're going to win a ten percent discount coupon on all prices – he adds without flinching and adds—What are you looking for, my love?

--I want a kilo of ground meat, but I want to choose the piece that should be ground, I don't want it to have more fat than necessary.

My assistant almost overloaded with all the offers.

--Can I explain something to you? She tells me she blinking her long eyelashes

--Tell me.

--It's algae, you know? Since the meat comes already grounded, if you save us the work of shaping it into a steak, and grinding it later, you will also save approximately 6.56% of the price. You can select the fat content and the class you prefer.

--I know, but I want to see my steak.

--I bet you're going to ask me for beef.

--Yes, I'm going to make hamburgers.

--What did I win?

--Nothing, I didn't bet anything.

--Okay, at least I didn't lose anything.

--I bet you prefer beer to wine, I'm going to give you a sample of what if it's not your favorite brand yet, it will be from now on. Take.

He tears a can of beer out of a six-pack, hands it open to me, and puts the other five in my shopping cart.

I was thirsty, the filtered straw let the beer through after the analyzer found no danger to me.

--Did You liked it?

--I feel magic sparks going down my throat

--You already knew it! Sparkles from a waterfall in Czechoslovakia!

--It's my favorite.

--I'll give you a discount coupon for that brand.

--Thank you.

--Hey, I like you very much, if you invite me to eat hamburgers, I'll bring the salad, I notice you're very traditional, surely you must really love tomato.

--I can't afford it.

--What a pity! I prepare them with pesto and olive oil according to a secret recipe from my Italian grandmother.

--Hopefully we can some other day, I would love to try your salad.

--And me your hamburgers- She told me smacking her lips and added:

--Can I recommend you something?

Tell me, beautiful.

--Whale, buy better whale.

--I don't know, whale burgers, I don't even like the sound of it.

--It's algae daddy. They are the same algae with flavorings simulating what we imagined the flavor of whale meat to be, it is the same case with beef, but at a price that would allow you to buy real tomato for the salad.

--OK, give me a kilo of ground whale meat and two not very large tomatoes, if you want to come to my apartment you are welcome, but on the condition that you make the salad.

--I'm counting down the minutes, in 27 minutes 32 seconds I'll ring your doorbell.

My assistant pays and I take my leave trying not to show too much anxiety.

--See you soon darling.

--24 minutes 22 seconds the most beautiful bot in this universe answered me.

At the exit of the supermarket I bumped into an old woman who was needing to buy some medicine for her grandson so that he would not go blind, my assistant rejected the request for payment that came from the drinks vending machine that is next to the entrance of the supermarket .

A neighbor in an advanced state of intoxication sees me and gets up from the table, surreptitiously checks the bag with my purchases and shouts: Another one who bought tomatoes!

From the table they give me thumbs up, their avatars fill my viewfinder with OK, Hooray, Good, Galán, and smiles of Happiness, me with my face burning like a tomato under the sun, I know that in twenty minutes I will be happy making hamburgers, or my heart will be as dead as a kilo of ground whale meat, which is actually seaweed.

On the same net

on the same net

spider and victim

two prisoners

Postscript:

This failed attempt at haiku was perpetrated by a friend and Me while making burgers out of ground whale meat, which isn't actually algae at all, but made from extra-heavy petroleum.

The regulars at the dominoes table next to the drinks vending machine are racist anti-bots that I want to get rid of, I think I'm going to go to the supermarket less often.

Li Tao Po

VABM Aug/26/2022

https://riistas.wordpress.com/2022/08/26/one-kilo-of-ground-whale-meat/

https://riistas.files.wordpress.com/2022/08/wp-1661547234138.pdf

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The Pity of Bots

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